


Irrational

by the_10th



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Death, Depression, Hurt, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Sad Lee Donghyuck | Haechan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-20 07:07:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30001146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_10th/pseuds/the_10th
Summary: But this wasn't real, it was Donghyuck's brain doing it's best to recreate Mark, thinking it would help. But it didn't, it only made things worse.......Mark has died before this takes place, and its pretty much Donghyuck dealing with it.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	Irrational

**Author's Note:**

> Mark is dead and Donghyuck is depressed

Donghyuck pulled the old shoebox off his closet shelf. He shouldn't keep doing this to himself. 

Mark was gone, he'd been gone for over a month now. Donghyuck just needed to accept that. 

And yet here he was, just like he'd been almost every day since the accident. 

Looking at pictures of him, drowning himself in the memory of Mark, the memories they'd had together. 

He pulled one out. It was older, taken back when they'd first started dating.

In it he and Mark were sitting on a swingset at the park, cups of hot coco in hand. 

Donghyuck remembered that day.

It had been one of their first dates, they'd know each other for years so Donghyuck had already felt comfortable around the boy. 

But it had still been awkward to figure out the change from friends to boyfriends and what all that entailed.

At first things hadn't changed, they acted exactly as they had before, with the occasional peck on the lips and more cuddles added in. 

This had been the first time it genuinely felt like they were dating. 

Mark had invited him to hang out at the park, something they'd done often, but this time it felt different.

It was towards the evening, and getting chilly, so Mark had given Hyuck his hoodie, which was way to big. But thats how Donghyuck liked his hoodies.

They'd then gotten cups of hot coco and sat on the swingset. And that was when Mark had kissed Donghyuck, actually kissed him. It hadn't been just a quick peck, their lips barely touching. It was long and amazing, Mark's lips were chapped but they fit so well against Donghyuck's, like they were made to fit together.

Donghyuck remembered Maark's scent, a combination of the old spice deodorant and bodywash he used, he remembered letting the scent engulf him. 

He remembered the feel of Marks lips on his, the feeling of immediate ease the owner of those lips could bring him, simply by being there.

Donghyuck could feel the phantom touch of Marks kiss, could smell the faint scent. 

But it wasn't real. This was Donghyuck's brain doing it's best to recreate Mark, thinking it would help. But it didn't, it only made things worse. 

Now it was as if the accident had just happened, and Donghyuck had just found out. The tears were streaming down his face like they had been that night.

He felt his chest tighten, his lungs beginning to gasp for air. The beginnings of a panic attack. He squeezed his eyes closed and tried to calm his breathing.

But it wasn't working. And now he was hot, so unbelievably hot. Just a minute ago the temperature had been fine. But now Donghyuck felt like he had been set aflame. 

He stumbled his way to the restroom across his bedroom and into the shower, turning on the faucet as cold as it would go. He sat there, fully clothed, letting the cold water numb him, until the tightness in his chest lessened and he could breath again. 

He turned the water off and slowly got out of the shower, peeling off the wet clothes before putting on the first thing he laid eyes on in his closet before falling onto the recliner in the living room, curled into a ball. 

He didn't know how much longer he could do this. Mark was his world, and now he was gone. The void he'd felt in his chest since the accident grew, taking over him. 

He wanted nothing more than to just go to sleep and never wake up. Maybe he would see Mark again, if there was an afterlife. 

But Mark wouldn't want that, had specifically requested that if anything were to happen to him, Donghyuck would live. And not just exist, barely making it from day to day, but live, experience the joys of life even if Mark wasn't there to experience them with him. 

Donghyuck knew he hadn't fulfilled this request the past month, but he knew Mark wouldn't blame him. He also knew that he couldn't continue to try to do this alone. 

He'd neglected his friends this past month, ignoring phone calls and texts, not answering the door them they came. But it was time for that to change, before he had time to change his mind he pulled out his phone and texted Renjun. 

15 minutes later Renjun was there, immediately squeezing Donghyuck with a hug as he opened the door. 

He sat Donghyuck down on the sofa before going to the kitchen and grabbing a glass of water and a granola bar, which he then made Donghyuck consume. 

As soon as that was done he sat beside Donghyuck and allowed him to curl up with his head in Renjuns lap, and listened.

It was decided that Chenle, and Jisung would take turns during the day to stay with Donghyuck and make sure he was eating, drinking water, and that he didn't do anything he'd regret. Renjun would take him to his new appointments with a therapist and Jeno and Jaemin would take turns staying with him at night. 

Donghyuck knew it would be a while before he was able to reach a sense of normality, but for the first time since the accident he thought that he had a chance.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you guys so much for reading this it means a lot to me. If any of you have any requests feel free to message me 💜
> 
> [Tumblr](http://hi-keydysphoric.tumblr.com)


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